Updated: Jul 2, 2021
Another day, another dollar, another topic that I kind of feel unqualified to talk about… lol. This is one that was requested and I was partly surprised, but also excited because I love seeing women confident in who they are and uplifting other women to embrace themselves completely. So for anyone struggling with confidence or interested in where I get my confidence from, here are 12 things that have helped me establish my confidence. Before I start, it's important to recognize that confidence fluctuates, confident people still have times when they feel self-doubt. So it’s okay to not feel confident at times, but don’t be stagnant in those destructive emotions and thoughts.
1. My confidence comes from God first, the creator of everything in the World, including me. He knew me before he formed me in my mother’s womb (Jeremiah 1:5). I am made in His image (Genesis 1:26). He tells me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). He knows the number of hairs on my head (Luke 12:7). These truths let me know that it was not by luck or by chance that I am here and exist today, it was intentional and I have a purpose. He never changes, the same yesterday, today, and forever, and will always love me, and that is enough to overfill my confidence cup for the rest of my life. #GODfidence
Confidence fluctuates, confident people still have times when they feel self-doubt.
2. YOU ARE VALUABLE FOR WHO YOU ARE, NOT WHAT YOU DO OR HAVE. Don’t focus on things that don’t matter. The world tells you that the amount of social media followers you have, your attractiveness, being in a relationship, your possessions, your bank account are all things that make you important and confident, but those things don’t matter at all. These things may help increase your confidence if you have a foundation, but they definitely can’t be your foundation. You have to know that you are important and valuable whether you have 20K followers or 200 followers. Your personality, your values, the way you treat people are all much more important than any of those things the world says are. Improving your relationship with the people that are important to you and care about you will reap rewards in your confidence level.
3. Figure out your strengths and never forget them. What are you really good at? What’s something that comes naturally to you? Figure out what you love and do those things more often! It reinforces positive thoughts about yourself and makes you happy. It’s important to become aware of these things so that you can apply those strengths to specific areas which will, in return, help you accomplish goals. Knowing your strengths can also help you to value your differences from other people.
4. Be authentic. Stay true to you. Know your values, know your standards, and stick with them! Say no to things that are of no value to you. I have found that even if people have characteristic traits that can be labeled as "annoying", "crazy", "weird," whatever you want to call it, people are still attracted to their genuineness and honesty. You have to accept that not everyone is going to like you and trying to get everyone to like you only hurts yourself. Trying to be someone else is draining and can only be upheld for so long. Just #BEYOUtiful
5. Figure out your weaknesses. This is the most challenging step that no one wants to hear or do, but knowing what you aren’t good at and what you lack helps you to accept yourself more. No one can use your weaknesses against you, not even yourself, if you already are aware of them. No one is perfect. No one can be perfect. We all have flaws. We don’t want to think about our flaws because it is hard coming face to face with all the things we don’t like about ourselves, but growth can also happen in that place. Search for the hidden positives in your flaws and accept yourself completely as you are right now. For example, I am super critical of everything including myself. I expect everyone to be efficient and always feel like my way is the best way. This can be terrible at times and leads me to complain about things. It also is great though because I can point out flaws in systems and offer advice on how it can be improved. The hard thing about this weakness is discerning when I should use it and whether my criticisms need to be voiced at that moment or if I should just keep it to myself. So I want to encourage y’all to continue working on your flaws, but know that there will always be more, and that’s okay. We are human. Discovering your weaknesses might be the most beneficial way to increase your confidence. To know yourself completely, flaws and all, and still love and accept yourself with those flaws is #SelfLove.
6. Remind yourself who you are. We have already agreed that you are not your accomplishments and you are not your failures. There is more to you than solely what you do, but revisiting everything you have already accomplished helps you to believe in yourself. HYPE YOURSELF UP! Lol. There are some things that we thought we wouldn’t be able to do, but we ended up doing it. We always undermine ourselves and what we are capable of doing; so looking back every once in a while proves to us that we have already done amazing things, which means we are amazing and are still capable of achieving things that we may currently think are impossible. It might even be helpful to look up statistics of the number of people who have done the things you are doing. (Ex: Less than 2% of college athletes end up being professional athletes.) This statistic proves to me that I am rare lol.
7. You are unique. There is no one else in the world that is you. You may find people really similar to you that you can connect with and you may see some identical habits and mannerisms that you get from family members, but either way there is only one YOU. This goes back to #4 - be authentic. Take a sheet of paper and write down things about yourself that are different from others. Embrace your quirky traits.
8. Dress up! This is one that may only apply to a few people, but I am a person who NEVER dresses up and I don’t really enjoy it. I prioritize being comfortable and getting ready quickly, buttttt I have noticed that when I take an extra 5 mins to throw together a real outfit (this means jeans lol nothing extravagant), I be FEELIN’ MYSELF! My confidence definitely increases. So I have started challenging myself to dress up more, even if I don’t have anywhere nice to go. In the same way, feel free to beat your face for the grocery store and bask in that confidence, but that same confidence and energy should also be there even without the heels and makeup. Be confident in who you are with or without all the extra stuff. #BareFaceBaddie
9. Write down positive traits/affirmations, look at them everyday and say them OUT LOUD. This was something I read in a book and laughed it off, but eventually convinced myself that it didn’t hurt to try. I actually really liked doing this! Write things like “I am enough. I am smart. I am beautiful. My body is perfect” on the mirror and say them everyday OUT LOUD. I believe it can change the way you think about yourself.
10. Don’t let negativity plant seeds and build an entire forest in your mind. As soon as weeds try to grow, you have to cut them or else they can overpower an entire space extremely quickly. In the same way, don’t let negativity make a home in your mind. As soon as you recognize those thoughts, STOP them, and replace them with something reassuring and positive. There are things you say to yourself all the time that you don’t even realize. That negative self talk is draining your confidence day in and day out and affects what you think and believe about yourself.
11. Compliment others. Not just to say something, but be genuine. If you like someone’s hair, outfit, or you think someone is extremely talented, let them know! It helps to boost the other person's confidence and makes them feel appreciated, but it also helps improve your mood because you are uplifting others and seeing the good in others. I don’t think this tip is popular confidence building advice, but I feel like it’s important for this to be a natural thing in every person. Others' success, beauty, talents, doesn’t make you inadequate. Use others' greatness as inspiration and celebrate others' wins too!
12. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and want to see you succeed! I can't stress how important it is to limit contact with friends, family, anyone who tells you you’re not capable of doing things, puts you down, or only talks about your weaknesses, but never highlights your strengths. Sometimes you need the hype, other times you need someone to keep it real with you, but you never need people who 100% of the time make you feel like you are less than, you are not deserving, or incapable. Pay attention to how you feel around certain people and make sure you're not spending an extended amount of time with people who don't treat you well or value your space, energy and time. #Boundaries
You may not be where you want to be, but you’re also not where you used to be. Building confidence can be difficult, but the work is worth it! Be grateful for the progress you’ve already made and stay dedicated to working to get to where you want to be. If you're focused and working towards your goals, that's all you can do. We would never feel good about ourselves if we constantly compared to others. Focus more on you and what you’re trying to do and less on what everyone else is doing. Limit your time on social media if you need to and maximize your time around people who love you for you!
Confidence isn’t about always being happy and positive, confident people have a constructive outlook on life. They celebrate the good and acknowledge the bad, knowing that everyday is another day to be better. Always remember that you have value and the beauty inside of you is needed in the world! Confidence is acknowledging your own value; if you aren't going to do it, who will?
Always remember that you have value and the beauty inside of you is needed in the world! Confidence is acknowledging your own value; if you aren't going to do it, who will?